“Am I spending enough quality time with my child?”
It’s the kind of question that creeps in while folding laundry, driving, or scrolling late at night.
I remember asking an older, wiser mom this exact question: How much time should I be spending with my children each day?
Being a high school math teacher, she smiled and shared a mathematical formula.
“Take the child’s age and divide it by the number of children you have. Add the number of hours you work outside the home, divide by the average loads of laundry done each day… and then multiply by 7%—the biblical number of perfection. This will provide you with the amount of time you should be spending with each child per day.”
While she didn’t really answer my question in a formula, I secretly wanted her to because I wanted an exact answer. A formula that told me that I was doing enough. A checklist that relieved the guilt and guaranteed a well-adjusted child.
But we all know…there isn’t a perfect number, and parenting isn’t a box to check off. So, what’s the answer to my sincere question?
The Real Goal: Balance, Not Perfection
Instead of chasing an ideal number of hours, what if we aimed for balance?
I call it “Keeping It Between the Ditches.”
Picture the road of parenting with two ditches on either side:
- On one side, we overdo it—trying to entertain the child every minute of the day.
- On the other, we check out—letting screens or distractions do the parenting for us.
Neither extreme is healthy. One leads to burnout and can lead to anxious children with low self-esteem. The other can leave the child feeling unnoticed and unimportant.
The goal is to stay in the middle of the road—not by following a formula, but by staying present and tuned in.
Practical Tips to Find Daily Balance
1. Start with a Check-In
Ask: “What does my child need from me today?” Some days it’s focused attention. Other days, it’s simply knowing you’re nearby. Sometimes a meltdown is a need for connection. Wrap that little one in your arms and sit together for a few moments.
2. Think in Moments, Not Hours
It’s not about spending all day together. It’s about small, meaningful connections:
- Reading one book together
- Making eye contact during a yummy snack
- Giving a big hug at transition times
- A five-minute “play break” during chores
3. Let the Child See You Work
Including the child in your daily life—laundry, cooking, gardening—is quality time too. It teaches work ethic, servanthood, and responsibility all while building connection. Children love to help adults!
4. Build in Independent Play
Encouraging the child to play alone isn’t neglect—it’s healthy. It allows creativity, patience, and problem-solving to grow.
5. Protect One “Anchor Time” a Day
This might be dinner, a bedtime routine with Bible reading and prayer, or morning snuggles. Let that time be consistent and intentional.
What About When You’re Not Sure What to Do?
That math teacher friend? As I shared, she didn’t leave me with a formula. She left me with something better:
“The Holy Spirit will guide you. You just have to be tuned in to know what’s most important at that moment.”
That has stuck with me for many years.
I imagine the Holy Spirit like parenting guard rails. When I start drifting into one ditch—He gently nudges me back. When I overcorrect into the other? He’s there again.
And how do we stay tuned in? By spending time in prayer and in God’s Word. The more time we spend with Him, the more clearly we hear His voice—even in the chaos of sticky fingers and laundry piles.
You Don’t Need a Formula—You Need Faithfulness
Momma, you don’t have to do it perfectly. Just keep showing up. Put the cell phone down and be present. Listen for the gentle nudges.
As a mom of bigs now, you will never regret it.
How are you finding balance in this season? I’d love to hear what’s working—or not working—for you. Let’s figure this out together. Drop a comment or send me a message!
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