He met me at the door with “I am wetting, Mommy.” I looked at the soaked bedsheets from the night before and my shoulders slumped. This fell on the hills of a horrible report from church the day before. The teacher didn’t call me to come get him just because she wanted to give me a full break without the kiddos. (God bless Miss A!)
As I showered Little Man and put yet another set of wet sheets into the washer, I felt a familiar emotion rising up in my – anger.
What’s different about today’s wet sheets and yesterday’s poor report? All of this comes after the hope of change. Change that I mentioned in the post “Could One Thing Fix My Child’s Impulse Control Issues?“.
We are now almost two weeks removed from Little Man’s Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy. After learning about his scary drop in pulse ox percentage while sleeping and the close relationship of behavior issues and obstructive sleep apnea, we began praying that the surgery would provide him with the sleep that he needs. This sleep that would in turn fix the bed wetting and ADHD symptoms.
In honesty, the surgery went amazingly well. Little Man had almost no negative issues. He did not want a lot of icecream, popsicles, or jello and ate almost normal food just 10 hours after surgery. And he was dry ten nights straight following the surgery. We praise God for all of this.
The only problem that we have faced is a crazy amount of sass and attitude. He has returned to stealing food and hiding the remains. Combine that with the negative report from church and then this recent bed wetting incident and I feel my hope being crushed.
So this morning, I felt a familiar emotion trying to take root in my heart. The anger toward God because once again He didn’t get the memo that removal of tonsils and adenoids is supposed to fix things!
During my silent wrestle with God, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Count it all joy…”.
Like the emergency brakes on a runaway 18-wheeler, my mind screeched to a halt.
This verse comes from James 1:2-4 which I have been examining with our SISTERS at ABCJLM in our group study of Beth Moore’s James: Mercy Triumphs.
You probably will recognize the set of verses:
Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.
In the study, I learned the word “consider” means to “think about” or “feel.” This is a “mental exercise and not an emotion.”
The Message says it this way:
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything
prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed,
not deficient in any way.
Joy. A gift. When trials come my way.
In her devotional, Beth Moore asked me, “So, what are you going to do with all you’re going through?”
First, I am to obey the Word. (John 14:15) Secondly, according to this verse in James, I am to count it all {the good, the bad, the ugly} joy understanding that God isn’t finished with me yet.
A very dear friend sent me this text message today upon hearing of my frustration in the past few hours. “I want to be the friend who shares encouragement, but I’m just going to have to be the one who is angry for you.” (She has a “Little Man” and understands. And her words of understanding meant so much.)
And in discussing James 1:2 she wrote, “Praise God the Holy Spirit helps us do that counting! Glad joy is better than happiness and not so stinking bubbly!”
God isn’t asking me to have a jump-up-and-down happiness with what is going on. He is asking me to “Stop your fighting—and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) for “the Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet.” (Exodus 14:14) (Thank you to another sweet friend for sending me these verses.)
I must stop fighting where God has me and allow the Holy Spirit to help me feel the joy that is producing endurance so that I am lacking nothing. So in turn I may mirror His image more and more.
At first I was really mad when I realized that I was once again angry with God. I mean, did I not learn from my experience last time?
But then I realized that I unlike last time I immediately knew what the emotion and who it was directed to. And in God’s awesomeness, He brought me back to His Word for strength, comfort, and direction.
I don’t know if Little Man’s bed wetting will be a one-hit-wonder or whether this is the return to the norm. I don’t know if the behavior will continue to be rough or if it will take time for the change to occur.
I do know that God has me where He wants me. And for me, that is perfect.
So, what are you going to do with all you’re going through?
I so hear you sister. Please, please, please be encouraged. The Lord does hear your pleas. I took our son to every specialist known to man re the exact same behaviour. Our dear son would go for a week without wetting the bed and then it would start again. Eventually it has stopped. It will stop for your little man too. These precious treasures are wired differently in their brains. This most certainly doesn't mean that they are wrong – it's just that they are different. They are also the world changers. I bet the "big smarty pants" of this world wet the bed and had behaviour problems. They are the world changers. It is hard. I live it too but be blessed. This too will pass (even though the constant night disruptions make us think that this will go on forever) and we will watch our beautifuls take the world by storm for Jesus!! I will pray strength, wisdom and encouragement for you. xxxx Isaiah 40
Donna – Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me. We are so right. God has wired Little Man differently because He needs our Little Man to be different in order to bring Him glory. Thank you for that reminder.
I am so happy to hear of your son's easy recovery! I wouldn't wish what we had on anyone. From a mom who has been there, it's only been two weeks. You have to give the body some time to catch up. It took my son a good 8-10 weeks to catch up on his sleep. Even though he appeared to be sleeping from 7p-7am, he never got into a deep sleep because of the apnea. It was never a restful and rejuvenating sleep. Looking back based upon when the bad behavior started, we figured our son had been having poor sleep at night for over 7 months! It was going to take quite some time for his 4 year old body to make up for 7 months of lost sleep. Once he was caught up on his sleep his behavior improved by leaps and bounds! When did you notice your son's behavior starting to slip? How long did you know he had apnea? I really think you just need to give him some more time. It was frustrating and I did get upset and angry at times, but slowly it did improve. It took the same 8-10 weeks for the bed wetting to slow down here too. We still have a wet bed every once and a while, but we can usually anticipate it if our schedule has been off and our son hasn't been getting enough sleep. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh my…you have no idea how much your comment means to me! I so needed to hear from someone who has been there before. Little Man has been a toot from about 8 months on. Testing boundaries at a whole new level. We didn't realize it he had "Obstructive Sleep Apnea" until about a week before his surgery. That was when we did the pulse ox testing and found out how often his levels dropped and do the amount that they did.
I never thought about the body needing time to catch up!
Thank you again and I please pass any further wisdom along that you can think of!!!