You’ve read them. The Facebook or Twitter status updates that make you want to crawl under the computer desk and cease to exist. The posts that the enemy uses to point fingers at you with claims that you aren’t enough.
The posts where fellow moms rave about how much they love their children and want to spend every waking hour gazing into their children’s eyes.
Or the posts that catalog every craft, activity, and memory made.
While I am happy for these moms and the success they have with their kiddos…
I’m. Not. Feeling. It.
I Feel Like a Failure
While they are spending countless hours in family bliss, I am working Bubs through yet one more meltdown. While they are praising God for the amazing, smart, and talented children they have, I am disciplining Little Man for stealing. Again. Another fight has broken out. Another battle of the wills has been engaged. And I feel like a failure.
I can’t announce to the world that our week snowed in was amazing. Or the word I hear a lot…fun. Because it wasn’t.
We had success and there was laughter. We enjoyed sledding together as a family…until Bubs got “hurt” and thought he broke his leg which he alerted to the entire neighborhood with screams (and we don’t live in a subdivision!). Desperate to convince him that he was okay faded away all of the previous joy.
Then I sit at my computer and read how everyone else spent their day. Love this…fun that…and I begin to struggle again with my dream and reality.
What these mommas are posting is anything but bad. They are sharing with family and friends memories that are precious to them.
This is a me problem. A glass-half-full, joy-stealing problem that I have. It’s a problem of coveting the “perfect” life that other mommas display in three to five sentences.
And so I wonder…what do I do?
Is Deleting Facebook the Answer?
Do I continue to read these posts allowing the enemy to use other mom’s Facebook-perfect life to belittle the God-given life that I have?
I shared the heart-issue with my accountability girls. And, they understood because they have struggled too.
They suggested that I “hide” over-the-top perky mommas from my Facebook Feed for a while. This would allow me to enjoy Facebook but not allow the enemy a foothold in my situation.
You know? It worked.
I don’t have to hide the posts forever but right now I need to read things that will encourage and help me not feel alone.
My point…
First, I encourage all of us to keep our social media posts “between the ditches.” Over-the-top wonderful is just as bad as constant complaining.
Second, I am learning that it is okay to step away from negative situations when I am struggling. Then when I get my feet back under me I can decide whether it is a “me” problem or something that I need to continually stay away from.
Last, we need to be real with people. I can’t over emphasize this one enough. The “perfect” life persona doesn’t work for anyone. Sooner, rather than later, the truth will emerge.
This post was written last year when we were snowed in yet another extended stent. I am happy to report that I have added most of these “positively-perfect-posting” mommas back to my Facebook feed. The rest…well maybe someday.
Hi, I want to give you a perspective you may have not considered before which is my philosophy on what I post on fb. It is simply this, I see my page as a collection of family portrait moments. They are the best moments captured in a minute which is often surrounded by other minutes not recorded. Everyone has those family pictures where everyone is happy and smiling every hair is in place etc. But what's not shown is the struggle that occurred to get it that way, the baby crying, brother and sis arguing ya know the usual. This said, it would crazy not to put up the pictures in your home for all to see right. Imho this is the same on fb. But that said I benefit from looking at other peoples fb posts in this light. They are only posting family portraits. Perhaps looking at fb stuff this way will help you too.
Thank you for this perspective. As I stated in the post, this is a me problem and I don't fault these mommas. I appreciate this view. 🙂
Hello Heidi, Just be encouraged!! Thank you for your honesty on such a personal battle on the inside of you. I want to let you know that you're not alone. I have days where I feel like an absolute failure as a mother. But then when I log into Facebook I scroll down my page to read the encouraging posts by others. Only God truly knows how many mothers or people in general you're helping! And know this when God Hand PICKED YOUR HUSBAND, YOURSELF, AND YOUR CHILDREN HE did it to glorify Himself through Jesus. GOD doesn't want us to look at others and now we see everything we're not. GOD WANTS for us to see the beauty that He made in others. Sometimes in our hearts it takes longer because the issue is much more deep rooted. But, if we'll continue going forward in Jesus He'll change your "Hearts view". And by the way, thank you for walking in the gifts that God graced you with! I look on abcjesusloves.com MANY TIMES TO HELP ME when I don't think "outside" the box! GOd has graced you and you wear it well!
Tina – Your words are very kind and filled with wisdom. I am happy to say that God's not done with me. He will make beauty from ashes. God bless you –
I know this is a year old page, but I'm just reading it. I haven't had my Facebook account in over two years. I deleted it for a few reasons, one similar to your discussion. It made me think negative things toward others, caused me to be prideful and self seeking, and wasted time. I don't want pictures of my children on the internet, and if I didn't talk to you while we were in highschool together, why am I going to share personal things with you now? I view it as people wanting to be nosey about others. I find personal Facebook pages very worldly and unnecessary. With the one exception of sharing with long distance relatives only.
As you stated, it is a catch-22. There are times when I have been so thankful for Facebook and other times that I really dislike it. But, God is helping me post wiser and read other people's posts with His eyes. I am thankful for that.