And like that the door is closed. I am no longer the mom of littles.
Yesterday I delivered all four of my children to elementary and middle schools to learn, grow, and love others for another school year. They are big kids now and I don’t like it. My babies are growing up.
Obviously I knew this day would come but I never dreamed it would feel like this. It’s a roller coaster of emotions because while many mothers dream about having a few minutes of quiet each day, when it becomes a reality, it is not what one would think it would be. I love having my little chicks under my wings and they are flying the coop for longer periods of time.
I also dreamed it would look different. When I stopped teaching 12 years ago, the plan was to take an extended sabbatical and then return to teaching in the public schools when our kiddos all entered school. I loved my years of teaching and looked forward to getting back in the classroom.
But God had different plans. And it has caused me to question, wonder, and feel a little grief.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the ABCJLM family! I am beyond humbled for the opportunity that God has given me on the internet. The fact that He has taken this blog and ABCJLM ministry around the world is breath taking. I never dreamed how God would use our story for His Kingdom.
It’s just not what I had planned.
You too have had your planned interrupted?
After my sister died, I clung to the verse Jeremiah 29:11 because I needed to know that God was sovereign in all the grief I was feeling.
My plans and dreams for the future were rocked and I had to learn to stand on the promise that God knows the plan He has for me. He is giving me hope and a future.
Obviously this new season isn’t anything like grieving over the loss of my sister. Nothing like it. But, I realize no matter how large the grief, I need to acknowledge the feelings I have about the closed door. It’s a grief of leaving behind the season of little children in our home. It’s the grief of not being able to return to teaching in the public schools…right now.
Then in acknowledging these feelings I can find joy in the journey God has for me and the opportunities that this new season opens for me as a wife, mom, friend, writer, and speaker. Finding joy is allowing me to see that while God may be closing the door right now, He has a new door ready for me to open if I choose to follow in obedience.
I don’t know what this new door will have in store but I can trust Him knowing that as long as I am willing, it will further His Kingdom. Isn’t that what I desire most?
Many of you are facing interrupted expectations right now. It could be the grief that parenting isn’t what you thought it would be. It could be the disappointment in a failed friendship or job. Maybe the grief of having to leave all you know for a new place.
I pray whatever it is that you can find peace and joy knowing that we serve a sovereign God who is crazy about us. Even though He is God and could do it on His own, He invites us to participate in His work to further His Kingdom. How I serve Him may look different than I expected but being in His will is the best place that I can be.
It’s time for me to open the new door before me. How about you?
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Heidi, Be encouraged, dear sister, for you have been an answer to a closed door in my life. I have been a momma for 36 years. After homeschooling for 17 years and sending 3 of my 4 children off to college I poured my whole life into my severely handicapped special-needs daughter. The Lord took her home to live with Him 3 1/2 years ago. Jeremiah 29:11 was also a verse I held onto. He has given me 3 grandchildren in those 3 12 years and I have been full time sitter for the little one named after her aunt she will never know. Now, because of you, I have the wonderful privilege of teaching her. Thank you so much! Yes, there are different seasons in our life and with God's help we make it through each one. I started a blog after my sweet daughter passed. Here is a link to it. thisisamystory.blogspot.com
I plan to share pictures and tell of teaching my little one next time I post.
Cheryl – Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It is always an encouragement to hear others who have grieved and how God has used their story. God bless.
Heidi, I also wanted to tell you that I was not looking for a preschool curriculum, I didn't even know one existed for those under 4 years of age! I was searching for my daughter, as she teaches K-2 in Sunday School, for a song to teach the books of the Bible and Google came up with your site. It was really God not Google as He knew this is just what I needed. So once again Thank You!
Love this. 🙂
Heidi, I get emotional just THINKING about my child being five in two years!!! We are about to begin ABCJLM yr 3. We have been tremendously blessed by the work you have done. Gave me the confidence to preschool at home. And, a launching pad for my child to learn about Jesus too. Thank you. Praying for the next door for you and comfort in your heart today.
Thank you for the prayers. Our children grow up so fast and the reminder helps us be more intentional. God bless!