If you watch the ABCJLM YouTube Channel, you know that I believe children need firm boundaries draped in love.  But in having children with disabilities, I have learned that sometimes discipline is not the answer.

Let me explain with a blog post that I wrote six years ago…

Bubs struggles with new things.  New foods, different places, and general changes cause huge fears to take over Bubs’ logic.  The “unknowns” force him to dig in his heals and refuse to try.

Everything inside of me wants to handle it with discipline as it appears to be defiance.

While reading the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, I discovered six ways to help a child ease into new situations.

1. Show encouragement.  Let the child know that you support them.
2. Help the child understand their own feelings and that others have felt that way too.
3. Allow the child time to think and an opportunity to observe so that he or she feels in control.
4. Bridge the gap between past successes to the present situation.
5. Help the child divide the task into parts so it doesn’t seem so overwhelming and allows the child to take it step by step when he or she is ready.
6. Allow the child time.

Unfortunately I read these 6 tips after a failed restaurant visit with my family and some friends.

Let me share what not to do!

Knowing that Bubs had eaten and liked a soup in the past, I ordered the same soup assuming he would enjoy it again.  Unfortunately the “like” didn’t carry over to a new restaurant and a meltdown began.

Being the great momma that I am {ugh}, I got frustrated and attempted to handle the situation with discipline.

Instead I should have taken the time to realize that he wasn’t refusing to eat the soup in defiance, but was scared and needed my encouragement to break through the fears.  I didn’t take the time to understand his fears or give him opportunity to remember positive past experiences.  If I would have started with “take one bite” instead of saying “eat it all,” the results would have been very different.

As I grow in my understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder and other disabilities, I have learned tough-love discipline is sometimes not the correct choice.  While firm boundaries are necessary, I need to take the time to look at the heart of the issue.  When I pause to figure out what is causing the meltdown, I see sometimes there is more to it than a refusal to obey.  At times my kiddos need a simple, “You can do it and I will sit beside you the whole way.”

They need encouragement to be what God created them to be and do what God has planned for them.  That’s godly parenting.

Giveaway Winner:

Thank you to all who entered to win a year-long subscription ($70 value) to FaithfulWorkouts.com shared on the Our Out-of-Sync Life Facebook page last week.  Out of 70 entries, the randomly chosen winner is:

Entry #17 –  Fallon J. – Please contact me within 48 hours with your email address.

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