The Power of ‘What Do You Think?’ in Parenting

My daughter’s teacher asked her to participate in an event. When my daughter sent me a text asking for my thoughts, I started typing my response immediately.

Then I paused. Delete…delete…delete.

My role as a parent is to guide my children to think for themselves and make wise, biblically sound decisions. As a teenager, if I continually tell my daughter what to do, how will she ever learn to think for herself?

With a fresh comment bar, I typed my favorite parenting question, “What do you think?“

But this isn’t the first time my daughter has heard this question. I’ve been asking my kids this throughout their childhood. Let me share why.

Showing Value

First, asking for my child’s opinion opens the door for her to share her thoughts -and in this situation, she had several. By asking for her thoughts, I show that I value her opinion, believing she can determine the right decision, which opens the lines of communication. It allows me to parent in an authoritarian way by walking alongside my child instead of demanding a response, or responding for her.

Don’t Assume

Second, using the one-liner: “What do you think?” makes sure that I’m not assuming what my child is asking. Sometimes kids ask questions simply for information. Other times, they are seeking a deeper understanding or they’re wrestling with developing their opinion on a topic. I need to pause and ask them what they think so that I better understand what they really want to know. This is especially important when children ask questions about hard topics like death, sexuality, or identity. Instead of immediately answering, I can discover more details and why the question was asked. Too often, I have jumped to conclusions, leading to giving too much information or making false assumptions about my child simply because they asked a question.

Putting the Ball in the Child’s Court

Third, children love for adults to think for them. In basketball terms, they are happy for you to take the ball and run with it. Taking over allows them to get out of doing the hard, but mature, work of thinking for themselves. But because we desire to raise responsible adults, it’s important to make the child think through the possibilities.

Parent Talk Examples

Your daughter wants to wear a sundress to play in the snow when it is 20 degrees. Ask her, “What do think will happen once you are outside?”

Your son wants to play video games and then do his homework.
Child: I’m going to play video games.
Parent: Is your homework done?
Child: No, but I want to play video games first.
Parent: What do you think will happen if you play before doing your work?

Your child asks for a cookie before supper. You ask, “What do you think?”

Your teen wants to go to a party where adults aren’t present. You ask, “What are the positives and negatives of attending a party without adult supervision?”

So next time your child asks you what they should do, turn this into a teachable moment and guide your child with the question “What do you think” to help them make a wise, biblical decision.

I’m excited to hear how you will use this new parenting one-liner!

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