This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Heidi Franz, Host 00:00
There’s something about cramming a family of six into tight spaces without much personal space that can really test the patience, and this is very characteristic of a family vacation. Yet, despite the challenges, I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunities we have had as a family to travel to so many different spots around the United States. As promised, we’re headed back to the archives to listen to one of our most popular podcasts on how to have a successful family vacation. I invite you to dive in and learn these tips along with Melanie and I.
Welcome back to Parenting to Impress your go-to podcast, to learn practical ways to love God and love others, and impress this on the hearts of your children. I’m your host, Heidi Franz, and I am joined by my dear friend, Melanie Simpson. Two moms who have made a lot of mistakes but have found grace and truth along the way.
Today, we are going to talk about family vacations. Yay, yes, yay, yay, no, no, yay, no, no, yes? Yeah, a lot of emotions come up on this topic. Yes, a lot of emotions, and we know that several of you are either making plans for family vacations. So what we want to share today are just some tips that we have learned in our 20-some years of family vacations that we have taken and you’re going to hear about some what would be considered small vacations. You’re going to be hearing about some that are large vacations, but we hope that we can just give some tips along the way. And I would ask you this, Melanie, why do we, as moms, need tips on family vacations?
Melanie Simpson, Co-host
Because it’s out of the norm.
Heidi Franz, Host
And we have expectations about what those non-normal situations are going to look like.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 01:53
We’ve looked at our Instagram accounts, our Facebook accounts, and all of our friends have posted their highlights, the highlight reel of their vacations, and we’re like I want that too. And what you didn’t see was the tantrum that happened two seconds before the picture was snapped, or the argument that they had in the car on the way there. So we’re going to get real with you.
Heidi Franz, Host 02:13
Yes, we are going to, as we always do. We’re going to share the good, the bad and the ugly. So I would say, buckle up, maybe.
I’m going to start with my first piece of advice, and that is start small. We started out by going on a staycation. My husband won some free hotel stays, and so we went literally five miles from our house and spent the night, played in the pool, ordered pizza, and that was our first vacation and I’m sure that was such a blast for the kids because it was, it was something different.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 02:54
But I also know you came away from that experience with some wisdom. It was a safe place to learn.
Heidi Franz, Host 03:03
Yeah, it’s like being in our house. It’s a safe place to learn.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 03:05
Yeah, it’s like being in our house. It’s a safe place to fail. So five miles from your house was a safe place to fail.
Heidi Franz, Host 03:10
Exactly, and we learned a lot of things. For one thing, we realized what it was like to have one bathroom. We are blessed to have more than one bathroom in our home, and when you get to a hotel, there’s just one, and that changed things.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 03:27
For sure. One shower, one tub, one toilet. That’s exactly correct.
Heidi Franz, Host 03:31
One sink. So brushing teeth took six times the amount of time, because we weren’t used to having to take our turns in the bathroom. That was just one thing.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 03:43
And then, like you said, if you have a swimming pool and you’ve got mixed genders in your family, you’ve got to think through people getting dressed and undressed with one bathroom. Just be prepared for those sorts of things that you take for granted in your own home.
Heidi Franz, Host 03:56
And speaking of swimming pools, we had a little Walmart pool in our backyard for many years, and so our kids weren’t used to swimming with other families a lot. That was something new – pool etiquette. And elevator etiquette – being in the hallway when other people could be sleeping and respecting them. Somebody could be sleeping at two o’clock in the afternoon and we need to think about how we walk down the hallway.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 04:23
Many of our trips, like I said, have been in the car, road trips. Staying in a hotel along the way, and you know for a budget option we would order in pizza or whatever we like. You said I think it’s in one of your blog posts the first time we didn’t have plates, we didn’t have paper towels, I mean, and the hotel provides you with like four plastic cups and an ice bucket. So we have developed the practice of keeping paper plates, a roll of paper towels, wet wipes in a little bag. We just keep it in the back of the car for that very reason.
Heidi Franz, Host 04:58
Right, those little things that you don’t expect to come up, and we do have several blog posts that I’ve shared these little tips, and we will post all that in the show notes.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 05:09
So starting small is probably the first tip. Then we always would think about our family. Our family is not your family, but what might be a great trip for your kids might not be so great for my kids. So releasing that expectation that my vacation has to look like your vacation is huge.
Heidi Franz, Host 05:31
Oh, that is so true. We’ve got to think about the personalities in the family, the ages of the kids in our family, you know.
My second bit of advice is be flexible, but don’t stray too far from your normal schedule. If your little ones require a nap in the afternoon, I would discourage doing a vacation where your kiddos aren’t going to be able to get those naps in the afternoon. Know your kids.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 06:00
Yeah, we were finally able to head out West to see my husband’s family, who lives in California, and so we planned a trip to the Grand Canyon. The amount of walking that it takes! Now, on the flip side, I have also taken my kids with family members to New York City, and because I grew up on the East Coast, I had an ease about being in the city with strollers and all that kind of thing. So I think that’s the other thing too. It’s not just about the people, it’s about me. What’s my comfort level? For some moms, taking their kids to the Grand Canyon would be panic-inducing, or going to the city would be panic-inducing.
Heidi Franz, Host 06:38
Very good, very good. No, you’re exactly correct. Think about each one of the personalities, and how are you going to set up everybody to succeed.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 06:48
Yeah, and so I asked my now 17-year-old daughter about this topic, and this kind of goes along with what you’re saying how do you make a vacation fun for everyone without catering to everyone’s wants.
That’s a challenge, and it’s especially a challenge when you have a lot of different ages when you have a wide range from your oldest to your youngest and thinking through. I’ve got one kid who’s not a big fan of the beach. I mean, it’s just not his cup of tea. I mean he still goes, but we, along the way, have figured out ways to make it more fun for him. We’ve allowed for certain things to happen while we’re on vacation that are out of the norm, just so he doesn’t feel like Everybody else is on vacation but him.
Heidi Franz, Host 07:33
Yeah, that’s a really good point. We all have our different likes. I mean even my husband and I have different thoughts of what a vacation is. For me, a vacation is sitting, whether it’s in front of the beach, in front of a stream and reading book after book after book. That’s a vacation for me. For him, that’s an absolute nightmare.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 07:57
Yes.
Heidi Franz, Host 07:57
We’ve had to learn to balance our vacations around his need for movement and exercise and action, and my need to relax.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 08:07
Yes, that’s a great point. So managing expectations not just for your family but for the individuals, and compromise not just for your family, but for the individuals.
Heidi Franz, Host 08:20
And compromise. Yeah, we’ve got to learn to do things we don’t necessarily like to do, because that’s part of loving those in our family.
Okay, here’s another tip. Take pictures, but make memories. Okay, what does that mean? I actually had a conversation with my daughter a few weeks ago about always having to pose for pictures, and I’m not going to say I have the balance in this, because when the kids were young, I did a lot of picture taking. Now that they’ve gotten older, sometimes I will purposely not take a picture, because I want to be part of the memory instead of making everybody pose for the memory.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 09:02
Make sure that you are engaged in the experience of the vacation, not just the documentarian for the vacation. That is a great way to say it and not constantly having my kids have to pose for something in the way that they are.
Heidi Franz, Host 09:20
You know, I don’t want my kids to look back on the pictures and go mom kept telling me smile for the camera and them having to think all we did was just pose. We didn’t do, we didn’t experience, we didn’t laugh, we didn’t grow. We posed.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 09:39
That’s a really good point, and I mean our culture right now is you have to document every breath you take. So that’s a great countercultural way to experience time as a family versus document your time as a family, and there’s definitely a place for pictures don’t get me wrong.
Heidi Franz, Host 09:53
When we lose the balance, where all we’re doing is posing, we are losing the experience.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 10:00
Yeah, I mean you have to push pause on what you’re doing to pose and get everybody. And how many takes does it take to get the right picture, the best picture?
Heidi Franz, Host 10:08
Well, and if you’ve been part of our house, the posing portion can bring out some very negative sides in everyone.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 10:15
Oh, yeah, there are tears, tears to be had. I think, too, I’ve learned this as I’ve gotten older, get in the picture, mom. I mean I have so many, especially when my kids were little where I was the picture taker. So there’s my husband and the kids, and I mean the only reason you know that I was there was because I posted the picture. So get in there, mom.
Heidi Franz, Host 10:37
This is something that I’ve been battling here, going back to the “Lies We Believe” episode, but the idea that I don’t want to be in the picture because I’m not happy with how I look, or my curly hair is frizzy that day, or my outfit isn’t flattering. What am I teaching my daughter when I go? No, I’m not picture worthy today. What am I saying about God? Yeah, that’s a great point.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 11:06
And I asked my daughter what else were some things that she thought were worth mentioning in terms of vacations, and she said involving them in the planning, getting their input. Hey kids, we’re going to Yellowstone this year. This is the way we’re going to go. These are some of the cool things we could see on the way. Does this sound interesting to you? Even for little kids – showing them the itinerary, give them a map, a very simplified version, if you need to, but involving them in the trip.
Heidi Franz, Host 11:39
Oh that’s really good advice. I think we get into this idea of they don’t need to know, they won’t understand. But so much learning can happen just by showing them on a map where they live and where you’re going to go and different places you’re going to stop.
One of the things that I continually come back to is this idea of this perfect vacation, the idea of kids sleeping in and sitting by the beach with a cold lemonade and your book, and the kids are just going to quietly play in the water and you’re just going to sit there. And, man, that has not been my experience.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 12:20
No, I will tell you now, on this side of having teens, I had that experience one morning this year. One morning! Not one morning but when my kids were little, absolutely not.
Heidi Franz, Host 12:33
A family vacation is not a break from parenting. I think we have this idea…I don’t know if it’s because of advertisements or the views that we see in commercials of these kids jumping around and playing and the parents just sitting there smiling. Vacations are work. They are a lot of work, and so we need to go in with that idea that this doesn’t stop what we’re doing on a daily basis.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 13:09
Yeah, I had a conversation with a sweet, sweet couple. They had taken their three young children I think it was at the time five, two and like right at one. They were complaining about the fact that it was not a vacation. They’d gone to the beach. They had the condo right on the water. They thought, you know, there’s a pool, all the things, and I just I mean, I had compassion, obviously, because I get it. We think the word “vacation” means rest. I just very gently said to them that if that’s the kind of vacation you’re looking for, perhaps what you really wanted was a couple’s vacation, not a family vacation. And that’s what I hear you saying. A family vacation is just what it says.
Heidi Franz, Host 13:54
It is for the entire family and you don’t get to stop being mom because you’re on vacation That’s actually a conversation my husband and I have had after vacations. I come home more exhausted after a vacation than if we would have just stayed home, because a lot of times, to save money and because of where we have gone, we will rent a VRBO or an AirBnb. So I’m cooking all the meals. Trying to gather the groceries so that you have just the right amount of food and not too many leftovers. It’s a lot of work and you get into bed by the end and you’re exhausted. And we do a lot of National Parks and camping, and so you add on top of that, where we have just hiked for three, four, five miles. I’m spent by the time we get home.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 14:54
So this brings me then to the question, “What is the goal of a family vacation?” I think maybe that’s the question we need to answer at this point, because what we’re saying is it’s certainly not necessarily. It can be. There are lots of great resorts and cruises that offer child activities, where you can kind of, you know, take a break. But for the most part, when we talk about a family vacation, it’s usually all the family together all the time. So what would you say then, is the goal of a family vacation, if it’s not for rest for mom and dad?
Heidi Franz, Host
That is such a great question, as you’re saying that I’m thinking this is what a family vacation would be for me, but I’m realizing I think your answer would be different than mine and it goes back to what we said at the beginning of this podcast is when you set out to plan a vacation, if you are planning with somebody else’s family in mind, it’s going to be a disaster. We’re not talking about the picture perfect vacation. We’re just talking about a realistic family vacation. Take into account your people. Talk to your husband. I’m going to say you may not have had this conversation ever.
I have asked him what’s your idea of a family vacation and I would personally say that’s a great place to start, before you ever look at a map and decide where, start with a convo. What are our goals for family vacations? For us it’s the experiences being able to see different places, to see different cultures, to see different creations by God that are different than what our normal is. But my husband and I had to come to terms, had to come to an agreement of what is that going to look like for our family and let that goal, that dream, progress as the kids got older.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 16:45
Again, like we said at the top of the podcast, I mean be flexible, hold those things loosely, but be honest.
Heidi Franz, Host 16:53
Be honest about where your kids are, what age they are, and those are things that I talk about on some of the blog posts that I’ve shared our family vacations. This might not be a good situation if you are x, y or z.
Okay, Melanie. To end, I want to say something that could kind of shock people. I want to give people permission not to go on vacation. Why would I want to give you permission not to go on vacation? Because it’s this expectation that this is what families do. There’s something freeing in hearing that. Well, I think we look at social media and we see all of these what I consider big trips, and it’s the thought you know those lies that we believe that Satan comes in and says well, their family’s doing it. You need to do it too. Good families go to Disney World. Good families go to the Grand Canyon.
Heidi Franz, Host 17:55
You’re destroying your kid’s childhood if you don’t fill in the blank. I’m giving you permission to not do anything big. We did not do any big vacations until our kids were older, and then we did, and it’s been a good experience. There have also been, oh, some failures in the middle of our vacation.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 18:23
We were a tent camping family. We hiked and tent camped and the number of stories that have come out like the family lore that has developed out of those trips, that’s priceless to me. It cost what 20 bucks to pinch our tent for the weekend, but man alive. We have some fantastic memories.
Heidi Franz, Host 18:42
Those things that you talk about over the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner table. For years, generations, we’ll talk about those stories.
Melanie Simpson, Co-host 18:52
Well, this has been a fun podcast and just getting to talk about family vacations and I just appreciate you giving us the freedom to not take vacations. I think that my younger mama self would have really appreciated that, so thank you. Okay, so just to recap, some of the things that we talked about were considering your specific family and the people who are in your family as you talk about vacations and plan for vacations. We did throw out a few kind of practical tips, but please do check out the Parenting to Impress blog. There are some fantastic blog posts that Heidi had already posted, just with great tips for planning vacations and those really kind of nitty gritty details that we easily overlook.
19:33
Also, there are some fantastic vacation resources. Some car activities, a Road Trip Activity Workbook and a Travel journal that are available. So check those out on the ABCJesusLovesMe website.
And, as always, we just encourage you to keep God the center of any of the plans that you’re preparing for your family. Be prayerful about vacation. I know that sounds strange. A lot of us don’t include God in our vacation planning, but he would love to guide and direct all of your steps, including those fun experiences. Until next time.
Announcer 20:08
Thank you for listening to the Parenting to Impress podcast. We invite you to visit the ABCJesusLovesMe.com and ParentingtoImpress.com websites. Check out the show notes for more information about topics shared in the episode. Thank you.
Read the corresponding blog post – #9 How to Have Successful Family Vacations and #58 From Chaos to Calm: Family Vacation Tips.