Teaching Kids About Tone - Parenting to Impress

Peanut completed a hard task. I made the innocent comment of, “Good boy.” Within seconds, the other teens in the room jumped all over me. Apparently, what I thought was encouragement can actually be taken as disrespect in 2025.

Honestly, it feels impossible to keep up with what is okay to say and what might be misunderstood. The boys in our home regularly educate me on the latest trends or phrases—things I thought were harmless can apparently mean something entirely different.

It’s All about the Tone

When the kids were little, we talked a lot about tone. Little Man and I used the phrase, “Thanks a lot,” as an example. Depending on the tone, those three words could express genuine gratitude or sarcastic disdain. It all came down to the heart behind the words.

Now that my kids are older, I find myself asking my youngest teen over and over, “Was that positive or negative?” I can’t keep straight whether “cap” means lying or truth. The language is always changing, and I’m forever playing catch-up.

But here’s what I know for sure: how I communicate will always matter. The words I choose, the tone I use, and even the facial expressions I give off carry weight. Whether my child is five or fifteen, the message behind my words can build up or tear down.

That’s why I cling to Psalm 19:14 as a reminder for myself as a mom:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (ESV)

The world of slang and trends will continue to change. But when my motives are pure and my words are anchored in truth and love, I can trust God to use them for good.

3 Tips for Teaching Kids the Power of Words

Model kind communication. Show children how to use positive words, respectful tone, and gentle facial expressions—even when you’re frustrated.
Pause before speaking. Encourage both yourself and your child to think: Will this comment build up or tear down?
Talk about changing language. Slang and trends will shift, but kindness and respect never go out of style. Discuss with children how words can mean different things in different contexts.

How do you help your children navigate tone and word choice in today’s ever-changing language? And what phrases have your kids had to “teach” you lately?