So Much To Tell You: Message #3

Today is the conclusion of the four day series, “So Much to Tell You.” If you missed the beginning post, please go back and read Day 1.

Looking back over this series, I feel like a science experiment:
Day #1 – Houston, we have a problem.
Day #2 – Recognize the problem, unable to find solution
Day #3 – Solution is found
Day #4 – Implementation

For some reason I ran to a drug to escape my problem. My drug of choice was computer time. I realized that even though I spent time with my family, my heart was not in it. I longed for the satisfaction, although short lived satisfaction, of my drug. Through people, God showed me that I had quit laughing.  I was stuck in the mundaneness of life and let myself sink in deep until I longer felt like fighting my way out.

So, if the solution has been found, what next? What can I do to change all of this? To bring the laughter and joy back. And, kick my drug habit.

A combination of a book that I read and a late night conversation with my husband lead to Message #3.

While receiving my “message,” I realized that I needed to make some drastic changes.

• Even though I already got up before the kids to get ready for the day and have quiet time, I needed to change how that looked.
• The computer is off now during children wake times. I wake up between 4:30 and 5:30 now to get ready for the day and get my website “work” (can I really call it work?) done and answer emails. The computer is turned off at 6:30 to get the kids up and at it. I resume work during quiet time and then some in the evenings depending on what my husband is doing. See, I desired to have such great customer service for ABCJLM users, that I felt some requests could not wait. I realized that no ABCJLM Customer Support had to be immediate. I also knew the temptation to do work would be too great if the computer was on. Turning it off was a very simple solution.
• Laugh

But what had taken my laughter away? What would it take to bring it back?

Once again Kevin Leman’s book hit me big. Read this portion with me:

When a sheep is a little out of line, what does a good shepherd do? He doesn’t whack the sheep over the head until it submits. He gives the sheep a little tap with his rod to get it back in line.

But that works only when there is a relationship between the shepherd and the sheep. Otherwise, that little sheep couldn’t care less what the shepherd is doing.

Somewhere in my adult life, I developed a fear. After seeing so many “bratty” kids (sorry for the choice of word), I became fearful that my kids would be viewed as one. It killed me to think that one of my children could grow up disrespectful, rude, and self-absorbed.

I have said many times that I am extremely consistent on discipline. When I say something, I will follow through. Once again, I see so many parents who don’t. But in my fear of going to one extremely, I tripped into the ditch on the other side. I didn’t keep my parenting “between the ditches,” as I so often say. I became drill-sergeant and hands-off in my parenting.

It’s funny because as a teacher, I joked with the kids when they did something stupid. It almost always brought the attitude out of them. As a mom, I made everything a battle and I went to war. Made a point. Laid down the law. Now, I am trying to give the kids grace and understand that they are human. I have four good kids. They don’t need me to “whack them over the head until they submit” over petty little things, as Kevin Leman wrote.

I can not tell you how much these revelations have changed our home. Simply put, I finally saw the issue and the reasons behind the issue. I sought wisdom in the issue and God provided three messages to guide me through my spiritual journey.

Thank you for letting me journal about this. I know that this is going to be one of those “faith steps” that I return to over and over. Those points that we look back and see God guiding us in ways only He can.

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