So Much to Tell You: Message #2

If you haven’t read the beginning of this blog series, please go back so that you understand the need I had for the messages.

I longed for the other side but for some reason found myself unable to obtain it.

The worst part of it, I didn’t know what was holding me back.

Why was I so drawn to the computer, to my mommy drug, which allowed me to forget about reality?

What was happening in reality that I so desperately wanted to forget?  What was wrong with me?

In a conversation with my husband, I realized that as soon as something went well or right in my life, I was on a high thinking the “down” was over.  I felt the burden lifted and my shoulders weight free.  But almost immediately, I found myself back in that familiar spot, caved under the weight of life’s demands.

The answer came in an unusual place.

Last week, I had a date with one of my bestest.  She and I have a lot in common as far as the world would see.  But seriously, I think she is an angel sent down just to help me think straight.  Every time we get together, the Holy Spirit uses something in our conversation to pull me back home.

So, that night we were talking about life’s demands on a wife, mother to four, friend, etc.  We talked about our Christian life and challenges we are facing right now.  I don’t remember what came before the word or what came after because all I heard was…

That’s not to say that what came before and after the word wasn’t important and good stuff.  It’s just that the Holy Spirit megaphoned one word and silenced the rest.

Suddenly I found my answer.  I wasn’t laughing anymore.  Somewhere between the discipline, training, and mundane mommy tasks, I lost my love of being a Mommy and a wife.

Yes, my heart skipped a beat in typing those words.

I stopped loving the best job in the world.  The job that millions of moms desperately wish they had or had back.  The joy was gone.  The laughter was replaced with demands and expectations.

This loss had caused me to bury myself in a drug that I couldn’t get enough of.  The silence of laughter prohibited me from longing for time with my kiddos and husband.  The extinction of joy gave me a deep desire to cave down under the weight of my duties.

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Until then, are you laughing?