Last week’s blog post shared the cultural view of the husband-child balance for moms.
The more time you spend with your child, the better chance the child will have to grow up intelligent and well-rounded. Thus, the child should be your top priority since your husband is an adult and he can wait his turn.
Then I shared Bible verses about God’s view on marriage and parenting, and the benefits a strong marriage has on children.
But I realize that even though the Bible is clear, the culture’s voice is loud and many of you feel torn because your children need you.
I agree. Children depend on us to supply their needs.
I am in no way saying that a godly wife ignores the needs of her children for the wants of her husband. That would be neglect. There are times when children need us to comfort and talk to them even though we have designated the moment as “Mommy and Daddy Time.” Sickness and situations come up which cancel date plans. It is our God-given responsibility to care for our children’s needs.
Making your husband a priority in your life means putting your marriage’s (husband’s) needs before your children’s wants.
How do I know the difference?
The line between needs and wants can be blurry. But when I allow the Holy Spirit to work in those dark places of my heart, I can see the motive of which I am doing things. Also, the Holy Spirit opens my eyes to the difference between my child being self-centered and truly needing something.
Transparency: When my children were younger, out of exhaustion I sometimes used my children as an excuse to not have to do something with or for my husband. And I bet if you are honest with yourself, you have been tempted to do this too. Acknowledging the difference comes from the Holy Spirit.
It’s Just a Season
Heidi, you are blowing this way out of proportion. My husband says he doesn’t care about our child-focused family because it is only for a season.
I am glad that you and your husband have discussed this. And, I pray that you continue to have open, honest dialogue about it. But in my 21 years of marriage, I see how easy it is for one season to roll into another, just as fall quickly becomes winter.
First is the newborn season. Who has time for marriage when you are up all hours of the night? This season roles into toddlerhood when you are exhausted from keeping up with a 2-year-old all day. Then you are faced with the school years where hours are spent transporting the child from one activity to another. Teenage years bring emotional fatigue as you bed God for wisdom to guide your child.
If you are not watering, feeding, and nurturing your marriage during each of these seasons, the relationship begins to die. Sometimes it’s a process so slow that you don’t even realize it is happening until you wake up one day as roommates instead of a cord of three strands (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Don’t believe me? Ask a respected mom who has just entered the empty-nest season of life. With kids no longer the focus, many wives find that they no longer know or have commonality with their husbands.
Ladies, in a blink, our kiddos are going to be out of our homes and into the world. What will be left of our marriages?
Never forget that a broken marriage will cost kids more than it does for their mom to invest a few hours into a healthy one.
Author Barb Folkerts
Only you can answer the question of priority, but if you want the best chance of a godly marriage I encourage you to honesty evaluate your choices.
Join us on the private ABCJesusLovesMe Facebook Group to discuss simple, oftentimes free ways to make marriage a priority.
