I Talk Too Much

I got an email from my mom the other day that said, “You talk too much.”

You know what?  She is right!  Let’s back up…

As I have written, Little Man has caused me to seek wisdom from some of the best disciplinarians in the world.  For me, that is family members.  I am surrounded by adults who know how to love, lead, and discipline children in amazing ways.  Mostly, I have talked to my aunt and my mom as I try to figure out if I am missing something.  Is there something that I am doing to encourage his bad choices?  Are there holes in the boundaries that I have set up?

My mom had the opportunity to attend a Jim Fay – Love and Logic – seminar again (more on this later).  She came home with reminders and hits to help me with our Spirited Little Man.  The first tip?  You guessed it – stop talking!  The more that I talk and explain, the more time that I give my toddler to argue with and ignore me.  If I will simply KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid), I will be more successful.

Let’s switch it around…how many times have I realized that my child is talking when I have totally blocked the first 99% of his/her sentences out?  This happens in the car all of the time.  I go into survival mode with all of the noise that my four little ones can make.  Why do I do this?  Because they talk all of the time….oh…could it be that my kids do this too?

Yes, I believe they do.  As soon as they hear the word “no”, they shut down the hearing and go into survival mode thinking about what they can say next to argue their point.

Here is an example:

Mommy:  We are leaving in five minutes.  You may put on your sandals or crocs.
Little Man:  I want to wear tennis shoes.
Mommy:  I am sorry but I said sandals or crocs.  Please go put them on.

Once I said “I am sorry” he shut down.  He already heard the choices that he had and there is no reason for me to repeat them.  I have realized that I say “but….” way to much.

Here’s the example from Little Man’s perspective:

Mommy:  We are leaving in five minutes.  You may put on your sandals or crocs.
Little Man:  I want to wear tennis shoes.
Mommy:  When I tell you….
Little Man:  (Thinking in his head as Mommy is lecturing… Blah, blah, blah…I wonder what we are having for lunch.  I want to ride my bike.)
Mommy:  Do you understand me?
Little Man:  Yes, ma’am.

Here is a momma who is choosing her words careful.

Mommy:  We are leaving in five minutes.  You may put on your sandals or crocs.
Little Man:  I want to wear tennis shoes.
Mommy:  We will go to the swimming pool when your sandals or crocs are on.
Little Man:  I am wearing tennis shoes.
Mommy:  I love you too much to argue.
Little Man:  I want to wear tennis shoes!
Mommy:  I love you too much to argue.
Little Man: (Thinking in his head…This isn’t working and I want to go swimming.  I will put on my sandals.)

Here is a verse from the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 6:11 The more words you speak, the less they mean. So what good are they?

So true!  It’s time for me to close my mouth, say it once, and wait.  I can already tell you that I have seen a difference!

Find out more in the  ABCJLM Parenting Video Playlist