I have read quite a few marriage books in my 16 years of marriage. While many have been for blog reviews, some have been because they were suggested to me or covered topics we was needing wisdom in. But even in the vast array of them, I have never read a marriage book like the one in which I am about to share with you. This books takes the ideas of bettering your marriage to an entirely different dimension. (Way beyond Mars and Venus!)
Gary Thomas believes couples often settle for too little when it comes to marriage. We fail to understand how deeply God cares about our spouse. We diminish our need to not only understand what biblical love really is, but also to become a people who excel at it. We let ourselves drift apart instead of making the daily choices to grow closer together.
Above is taken from the explanation that Amazon gives of the book A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is about More Than Just Staying Together?. I quote it because I believe it demonstrates how this books separates itself from the typical marriage self-help genre.
Instead of focusing on what we need to do to love our spouse more and make our marriage better, Mr. Thomas turns the focus on how much God loves our spouse. He moves you from desiring a great marriage to desperately desiring a godly marriage.
Let me explain one more way. The majority of items that I review, I don’t keep for myself. I assumed this book would fall into the same category. I assumed it would have the typically marriage suggestions. Good reminders but nothing earth shattering. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen to make notes as I read it. After filling a notecard on the first 100 pages, I put the paper down and began underlining in the book. There were too many points that I wanted to remember. Too many points that I wanted to discuss with my husband and pray about.
Yes, it was that revolutionary for me.
Those of you who read this blog regularly and have read my ebook know that God has brought me from a self-sufficient life to a dependent one. I now realize that I am not in control of my life and despite my best intentions, I need help! Traveling on this same thought Gary Thomas explains that my marriage is not so much about what I do but what I allow God to do through me.
For the rest of the week, I am going to share my favorite quotes from this book. Even now, I am praying that God will use them to encourage you to move your dream of a lifelong marriage to a lifelong love.
Click to read Day 2…
Want to earn bonus points? If
you are not currently subscribed to this blog, now is the time! Leave a
separate comment below with the beginning part of your email address (before the @ sign) letting me know that you subscribed ~and~
confirmed your email address.
Priti F. Being more cherished by my spouse and being able to respect my spouse irrespective of how he treats me.
I think my biggest challenge is that I think about me first in my marriage
This sounds like a great book! I think the biggest challenge for my husband and I is our baggage that we bring from our dysfunctional families of origin. It's daily battle to work through and understand and overcome all those issues!
My husband has an anger problem and left us Thursday night. I'm planning to read this someway or another in the hopes that God is moving in his heart toward repentance and reconciliation.
Oh Lyn! I am so sorry. I do believe this book could help you view your situation as God does. May I pray for you?
Daddy…I come to you lifting up my Sister in Christ, Lyn. God she is hurting. I am sure she is confused, frustrated, and discouraged. Right now I ask you to hold her tight, guide her every move, and give her peace that only You can provide. Lord, I pray the Holy Spirit would speak loud to fellow Christians around her so that they would come around her in support and love. I pray for her husband. God please soften his heart to loving You and then loving his family. I pray all this in the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. You are the ultimate healer. In Jesus' name…
Tara R. Our biggest challenge is finding time for each other. I'm a sahm of a 2 and 3 year old and he works in construction. You can imagine our very different exhaustions.
Jessie D my biggest challenge is I don't support my husband or take the time to connect with him as I should. I often get to busy and tired with the day to day stuff Of working and raising afamily
Tara P. I think our biggest problem is communicating how we feel and my problem is not being able to love my husband when things get hard. It is such a struggle for me!
Tara P — subscribed!!
Janelle T giving grace
Courtney T. Our biggest challenge is keeping God 1st in our lives instead of other earthly wants.
Joy O. Finding time together
Michelle P. I believe our biggest challenge is parenting our teenage girls and having a unified front as we do so.
Melissa R. Hi there! ( i found the comments post jeje) One of the biggest challenges my marriage is facing is my husbands love for God. We have two kids ages 3 and 1 and i am a sahm as well. It feels like we are taking two different approaches in raising our kids and in keeping our marriage alive and well: one is a Godly approach , the other is more wordly. I believe that if my husband had a heart for God we would have a solid foundation in both our marriage and family. I have been praying for years that my husband would have a heart for God and be moved by him and though i am a faithful woman the challenge in praying for my husband and believing that he will be tranformed sometimes get a little discouraging.
Denise D. Our biggest challenge is finding time for each other in our busy schedules with husband's work, my stay at home business, a 13 year old daughter in competition dance, and a 5 year old son I am homeschooling (preK).
Our biggest challenge is finding time to really connect.
I follow your blog
Bree B. Our biggest challenge is filling each others needs. At the end of the day we both have given so much to everything else (work, housework, farm chores,children) that we lack the ambition to give to each other.
Christy G. Keeping each other top priority above the kids. We have four boys under six years old, so while the intent to put marriage first is there, the needs of little ones are so all-encompassing that it's hard. Can't just tell the baby not to nurse because I want to go on a date, you know?
Marina.G
Dealing with his parents
Erin H. Our biggest challenge is succumbing to the daily grind and exhaustion. We let too many days go by without intentionally connecting with each other. (I apologize is this posts multiple times… it hasn't been showing up when I hit publish.)
Charity J.
Respecting my hubby even though I don't feel loved by him
Ashlee F
I think its me. I have never seen a healthy marriage. I was never taught how to stick through things when it gets tough. I'm just so tired of all the fighting, and I realize that most the time I could respond better and I could pray more. Its just hard to let go of my pride when I feel like I'm not loved. Its hard to fight for something that I feel isn't there anymore. I've been with my husband for 10 years now and I'd want to believe that our marriage would only get better, but in a lot of ways its gotten harder.
Ashlee – I appreciate your honesty. I pray that God will use this book to encourage you and see your husband as He sees him. The rest of the week I will be sharing quotes from the book. I pray that you can glean wisdom from these posts.
Marsha L. I have trouble with the time we spend together. I feel as though when I am with him, my mind is elsewhere. It is hard for me to focus on it just being us. I would love to be more intentional with our time together and learn to use my time more wisely.
Brendan W. New believer. Need all the resources I can get.
Welcome to the family of God! 🙂
Thank you.
Debra C Our biggest issue is finding time to connect. He works 10-12 hour days managing a pizza place while I homeschool our kids. Unless I push dinner back, the kids and I don't eat a single meal with him most days. If we weren't homeschooling, and the kids had to get up to get on a school bus, he would literally only be able to see them for bedtime. And the times that he has off are for church and our weekly game night at my brother's. It is so hard to feel connected to someone that it seems like you're living parallel to, rather than with. I never thought I'd wish for his time of unemployment again, but we were so much closer then.
Karen V. Our biggest issue is getting past our selfishness to truly show love to each other. When things get tough, we pull apart and dwell on how we each feel wronged, and it's only after dwelling in selfishness that we come together and try to reach out. It's hard to know how to love my husband as God does.
My husband has a busy work schedule and we have 2 young children. We are having a difficult time finding (or making) time for each other. Finding the balance of caring for our kids and each other.
Jen B. It boils down to selfishness on my part really. Me easily falling into the sinful self-serving thought pattern that he should come home and serve me and meet my needs (yep, rather than Jesus) And then my lovely cycles of defensiveness when we try to communicate. Marriage has been wonderful and sanctifying but the process doesn't always feel good 🙂
Desiree W
Biggest challenge is making time for each other. We don't pray together and I know we should.
Brandi T – I've been thinking a lot about struggles and the area of my life that I struggle the most in is in our marriage. With working from home, little man, house hold work, etc… our marriage gets pushed to the backburner most days. I recently just finished "You and Me Forever: Marriage in the Light of Eternity" by Francis Chan and boy did I have it all wrong. Here I'm thinking my relationship with my husband is where I struggle the most, but God has really opened my eyes to see that where I'm really struggling is with my relationship with Him. I set selfish standards for my hubby as a father, as a husband, and as a partner in life, and then when he fails to live up to those standards I get upset. I'm looking to my husband to meet my needs instead of turning to God to meet my needs.
Emily D. I forget to purposefully love/respect him with my words and actions. The care of small children takes so much of me that I tend to just assume that he knows I love him…. but he needs my attention too! Our kids need to see us actively loving and serving each other
edixson09 – Subscribed to your blog
Elizabeth S. Forgetting to put God first, then marriage, then kids.
Sherry S. making time to be alone together…besides falling asleep at night!
s_salter Subscribed and confirmed
Sarah W. I feel like my biggest struggle is not giving up. (I feel like my husband gave up on our marriage just months into it.) Honestly, I've made just staying together my goal. After reading the title of this book, I was…convicted? encouraged? to strive for more than surviving. I plan on reading this book one way or another. Thank you for this chance!
allforhim07 Subscribed and confirmed
Stacky82 subscribed and confirmed
Stacy B. Biggest challenge. That's tough. Active duty military family, moving every 2 years, raising his 2 kids full time plus our own, deployments, unequally yoked, poor communication yet I know my God is bigger. Kept the faith for 10 years and still holding on for a game changer.
Amberly C. Feeling exhausted by the demands of 4 young children, so by the time we do spend time together, it's hard to be creative together.
Time….. busy-ness and distractions with 4 children 18 to 6.
Amy F
musclesjo
Sarah G. Seeing eye-to-eye on some issues of faith. We're both born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school pre-k through 12th grade (where we met!). When we met, he wasn't going to church, but had taught some of his army buddies about the faith. I started dragging him to church, and now he willingly goes. Right now I'm dragging him along with some of the other teachings, and I'm hoping that he eventually has a change of heart and willingly participates… sooner rather than later. (God grant me patience!)
lisam_869 I think my biggest issue is communication and trusting God.
Tracy k our biggest challenge is finding time to deeply connect
Nicole C. Our biggest challenge also involves our children – being on the same page and considering their education. Finding a way to glorify God as a family.
Lenore R. I'm excited about the book giveaway. My greatest challenge in my marriage is feeling good enough for him. My husband treats me like a queen, but I have many personal insecurities. Also, I am a pastor's wife and I want to be a good role model for our ladies.
Beth S. – My selfishness
Casey B.
Frustration at unchangeable circumstances- both of us tend to take it out on each other
Communication- we often lack healthy communication. We talk about day-to-day things but we don't often deal with issues that need dealing with or talk about emotions related to unchanging circumstances.
Add some toddlers and life can be anywhere from fabulous to extremely frustrating.
Jennifer C. I think our biggest problem is not being on the same page and not having communication
Jennifer C. I think our biggest problem is we are not on the same page and not having communication
Maria S. The biggest challenge right now is trust. My husband broke that trust a couple years ago. Although I forgave him, lately I haven't been able to shake that feeling.
Shameaka B. I think our biggest challenge is embracing our differences. We have accepted them, but we're still working on best using them to our benefit.
chelliegardner, I subscribed and confirmed..excited to get your emails 🙂
Amanda B – Our biggest challenge is the daily grind and exhaustion. We let too many days go by without intentionally connecting with each other. Another issue, is his trust in me. We have been together for 10 years now, but his past still haunts him and he worries about unfaithfulness, I pray for him constantly and reassure him as much as I can and for the most part he is ok. But every once and a while, it resurfaces with a vengeance. That said, I think Lyn needs this book more than I and if I win, I will pass my blessing onto her. My prayers to you Lyn.
Amber BR – The biggest challenge in my marriage is working at it on a daily basis. We go through cycles of really pouring a ton of energy into it and just ignoring it for a bit while life gets busy with babies and toddlers and preschoolers.
The biggest challenge is for me to step down from a "leader position" where I am at work to and let my husband have that role in our marriage…more listening, love and respect and less controlling! Jo Wilson
Jenny G. One challenge in marriage is putting my husband first (and not myself, not my kids, not my "to-do list", not my friends…)
Tamika C. The biggest challenge my hubby and I have faced in our marriage is learning to really depend on and trust one another. We have very different backgrounds and life experiences that have taught us that we should be independent, as individuals and in marriage, but we constantly pray that God will teach us how to really become one.
victorious820 is subscribed and confirmed
Biggest challenge….well there are a few. 1. Agreeing on things to do with my teen sons from my first marriage. 2. He is a very temperamental person at this point in life. Very hard to get along with! He thinks of himself first always. Arguments lead to loud battles. 3 we have 4 littles ages 4, 3, 19mo, 3mo (need I say more 🙂 and the list goes on….:-) We run a business together so we are always together. he is not at a good place with God right now and I have plenty of bitterness over our issues. But I know God can touch his heart…and forgive my bitterness and pain. Waiting patiently. 🙂
We have two biggest problems and they are both me. I have lost respect for my husband (problem #1) and because of that I have no desire for him inside or outside the bedroom (problem #2). I know that I am in the wrong, this is not the place God desire for me to be. I know I am the one that needs to change in order to improve our marriage, I just seem to be having trouble finding a way out of the mess I have put myself in.