Parenting Without Comparison

We all do it. Compare the things we own. Compare our marriages. Compare what we know. And yes… compare our children.

As another school year begins, let’s pause and talk about how comparison affects us as parents — and what we can do about it. Here is Becky’s story.

When Comparison Creeps In

“I need to teach Jack Bible stories!” I said to myself after leaving a playdate. While the kids were in the sandbox, I overheard the other children talking about Jonah and the big fish. My friend’s two-year-old daughter confidently explained that Jonah was in the fish for three days, just like Jesus was in the tomb.

I sat there amazed. “Jack doesn’t even know who Jonah is!” I thought.

Days later, I picked up a children’s Bible in the bargain section of a bookstore, determined to catch Jack up. But when I got home, I realized Jonah’s story wasn’t even in the book. Cue the mom guilt.

The Problem with Comparison

Have you had a moment like this? We want our children to succeed and be their very best. But comparing them to others can leave us discouraged — and often steals the joy from parenting.

Social media makes it even easier to fall into this trap. We see what others are doing and feel pressure to measure up. But here’s the truth: God gave you your child for a reason.

• Some parents are gifted at Scripture memory and teaching.
• Some thrive doing crafts and projects.
• Some love being outside all day and exploring.

Each of these strengths is valuable, and none makes one parent “better” than another.

Practical Ways to Stop Comparing

• Celebrate your child’s strengths. If your child is active, encourage running, climbing, and sports. If creative, provide paper, crayons, and building materials. Then help them expand their palet and development with things that challenge them.
  
• Pray for contentment. Ask God to help you be thankful for your child’s personality and progress and see the uniqueness God created in him or her.
  
• Limit comparison triggers. If social media leaves you feeling discouraged, take a break. Unfollow those who trigger discontent. Or better yet, remove the social app from your phone.
  
• Focus on progress, not perfection. Small steps forward — academically, emotionally, spiritually — are worth celebrating. Especially with young children, you are laying stepping stones ahead of the child for when their development is ready to walk on them.
  
• Speak truth over your child. Your child can feel your disappointment. Remind them they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

Enjoy the Child You Have

Each child learns differently. My older son loves to draw and create, while my youngest would rather run and climb. One may excel in reading, while the other is gifted in athletics or motor skills.

Our job is not to make our children like everyone else’s — it’s to guide them, encourage them, and help them grow into who God created them to be.

When we stop comparing, we free ourselves to enjoy the unique, God-given personalities of the children we have right now.

Let kids be kids — and let’s enjoy them while we can for too soon they leave the nest.