If I polled the ABCJesusLovesMe and Parenting to Impress families, I believe 100% would say they desire their children to be kind. But if you’ve spent more than a few hours with a toddler or a teen, you know that kindness isn’t always natural. So, what does it take to raise kind children? Is it about the rules you set in your home? You know—the do’s and don’ts like “Don’t hit,” “Don’t yell,” or “Don’t bite”?
What if I told you the Franz family doesn’t have a list of rules? We don’t have a list of “Don’t jump on the couch,” “Don’t write on the walls or your sibling,” or “Don’t do this or that.” Does that mean our children aren’t receiving character training?
Instead of focusing on a list of do’s and don’ts, my husband and I see parenting as a marathon with a specific end goal in mind. Then every parenting choice we make goes back to this idea.
Parenting Goal
Our parenting goal is to raise children who love God and love others. This is based upon Mark 12:30-31: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.
Love God
We show our love for God by obeying Him (John 14:15). In turn, we teach our children to obey their heavenly Father by instilling first-time obedience to their earthly parents. If we were to create a list of rules for our home, this would be #1: Love God through obedience.
I go into greater detail about this in the Biblical Discipline Video Series.
Love Others
We love others when we show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. In the Bible, we call these the Fruit of the Spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23.
Every discipline in our home stems from these character traits. Here are some examples:
- Yelling at your sister – lacking love, kindness, gentleness
- Jumping on the furniture – lacking self-control, gentleness
- Pouting – lacking joy, patience, self-control
- Taking off your shoes at the door or putting away your toys – showing kindness
- Helping little brother – showing kindness, gentleness
Once a child is familiar with the Fruit of the Spirit, questions like these can be asked when a trait is not displayed:
- What did you do wrong?
- What Fruit of the Spirit did you not show?
- What Fruit of the Spirit should you show
If we were to make a list of rules in our home, this would be #2: Love Others.
Why Not Create a List of Family Rules?
While it may seem inadequate, I would encourage you to not make a long list of rules for your home or classroom. There are always exceptions to rules, and a lengthy list can be hard for a child to follow and difficult for adults to remember.
Instead, focusing on loving God and others is simple and clear for everyone. It eliminates the gray areas of parenting and sets expectations that naturally carry over into other settings—whether it’s someone else’s home, a restaurant, or church. There is never an exception to obeying God, showing love, being patient, or exercising self-control.
It’s a Marathon
In the midst of parenting woes, my husband often reminds me that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Our children will make poor choices, and they will have bad days, just like we do. But if we consistently hold them to the expectation of loving God and loving others, using the teachable moments that come our way, we will be laying the foundation for raising kind children.
Join me next week on this blog as I share books we’ve used to teach our children about character development. Plus, a HUGE book giveaways!
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Join us in Floyds Knobs, Indiana for a 1-day Training on February 1 from 9:00 – 2:30. Learn how to parent and teach intentionally, get the most out of the ABCJesusLovesMe Curricula, and create a learning environment. Reserve your tickets now and embark on a journey toward confident and purposeful parenting and teaching!
