A Marriage Book That Changed How I Love My Spouse

By the grace of God, my husband and I will celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary this May. When I look back, we were just babies when we married in college. We now have a child older than we were at that time. Like every marriage, ours has walked through some very brutal storms, and I praise God that we have come out on the other side.

Even in the healthiest marriages, marriage is still hard. You place two people with different personalities, goals, and expectations into close quarters and ask them to become one. When both people are surrendering their will to Christ, that can work beautifully. When one person is not, the fairytale quickly feels heavier than expected.

A Lifelong Love and Lightbulb Moments in Marriage Books

Marriage Books That Have Stuck with Me

Over the years, I have read and reviewed many marriage books. My favorite recommendation for newly married couples remains A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is about More Than Just Staying Together? by Gary Thomas. My husband and I also watched the video series, and I highly recommend both.

Recently, I was asked to review Lightbulb Moments in Marriage by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (ad). This book immediately earned a permanent spot on my must-read list—not just for seasoned marriages, but for anyone ready to honestly examine their heart. I would lend you my copy, but there are so many underlines that starting fresh is probably best.

Why This Book Stands Out

Many marriage books feel similar. Different covers, different stories, but the same surface-level ideas. Dr. Eggerichs does something different. As he has done in his previous work, he goes deeper—straight to the heart—and he does not soften the truth.

This book walks through 12 “lightbulb moments,” which he calls 12 Biblical Perspectives for Successful and Satisfied Couples. These are those sudden ah-ha moments where things finally make sense. I found myself repeatedly reflecting on how I love—or fail to love—my spouse according to Scripture. The insights also challenged how I relate to others. It truly felt like fumbling in the dark until the light was switched on.

What God Is Teaching Me Through This Book

I did not have time to finish the book before the review deadline, but even the chapters I read left a deep impact.

One statement shared by a conference attendee stood out to me: Marriage is not about my spouse and me. It is about Christ and me.

Another truth that stopped me in my tracks was this: my love for my husband is ultimately an extension of my love for Jesus. Dr. Eggerichs explains it this way—every time you speak to your spouse, Jesus is standing just behind their shoulder. “How you respond to your spouse reflects your communion and walk with Christ.”

I was also challenged by this sobering reminder: “God won’t ask me if my spouse made it easy to follow Him. He’ll ask if I followed Him—if I looked to Him daily and if I imitated Him in my own walk.”

And finally, this truth hit home: “Choosing to be offensive is not strength. It’s a surrender—to bitterness, resentment, and self-justification.”

While I would especially recommend this book for more seasoned marriages, it can benefit anyone. Twenty years ago, I do not think I had the maturity to honestly look in the mirror the way this book invites. Now, Christ has opened my heart enough to receive it.

Embrace your marriage as a path to personal sanctification. - Heidi Franz

A Choice for Every Day

Some may already be thinking, But Heidi, you do not know my spouse. That is true. And Dr. Eggerichs is very clear—loving a spouse does not ignore or excuse sin, abuse, or deception.

For me, this book brings the focus back to a daily choice. A choice to love my husband as God’s precious creation. A choice to look first at my own heart. As the author reminds us, this is not about being flawless. It is about being faithful.

Lightbulb Moments in Marriage is available in both print and audio. If your heart is willing, I encourage you to read or listen with openness—and then watch for what God gently reveals as He turns on the light. Purchase here.

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