How to Preserve Your Marriage Amidst a World of Divorce

If you’ve been married more than a day or two, you’ve probably realized that marriage is hard. It’s the union of two sinful people striving to live as one. There are moments when calling it quits may seem easier. Yet, in God’s Word, marriage is recognized as a binding covenant with Him. So, what do we do when our marriage faces challenges? How can we preserve our marriages in a manner that honors and glorifies the Lord?

God’s Design for Marriage

I believe that before we delve into the “how,” it’s essential to grasp why marriage holds such importance to God. First, marriage serves as a mirror reflecting the relationship between the bridegroom and His bride. It’s a tangible representation of the covenant between Jesus and the church.

Second, Scriptures affirm marriage as a scared and binding agreement. It’s not to be entered into lightly or broken lightly. Through marriage, I can showcase Christ’s love to the world and glorify the Lord as journey through life with my spouse.

Third, a godly marriage molds us to be more like Christ. As we strive to honor our spouses, we refine selfishness and impulsiveness. To nurture a healthy marriage, we must cultivate virtues such as patience, kindness, perseverance, and honor as outlined in I Corinthians 13:4-8. God’s blueprint for marriage prioritizes pursuing holiness above seeking self-fulfillment. Understanding God’s design for marriage acts as the adhesive that strengthens a married couple through life’s trials.

Learn More: God’s Design for Marriage Video

Fallacies that Erode Marriages

The world often seeks to undermine the sanctity of marriage, promoting misconceptions that erode what God has deemed good. Media, well-meaning friends, and pop culture propagate the idea that marriage is about finding the perfect person, following your feelings, and attaining perpetual happiness. Consequently, if happiness wanes, it’s often attributed to marrying the wrong person. The narrative suggests that the right partner should possess an innate ability to anticipate your needs, fulfill your desires, and complete you. However, the reality is that no one is perfect, including ourselves. The notion of two imperfect individuals creating a flawless union is a mere illusion; true perfection is reserved for fairy tales.

The second lie that the world shares is the notion that we can always trust our feelings. Contrary to this, we ought to heed the wisdom we instill in children: “A feeling is just a feeling — it’s not in charge of you.” Marriages inevitably encounter ebbs and flows, even in the healthiest relationships. During moments of doubt, It’s crucial to consciously “take captive each thought” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and redirect our focus to “what is true” (Philippians 4:8) about our circumstances.

Society perpetuates the third fallacy of perpetual happiness. The world peddles the idea that happiness is an entitlement, achievable through external factors such as relationships and possessions. Additionally, there’s a misconception that everyone else’s marriages are blissful, free from challenges. Movies often depict the solution to unhappiness as removing anything or anyone that doesn’t contribute to personal happiness, even a spouse. This narrative starkly contrasts with the biblical perspective, which declares marriage as a journey towards holiness. While the refining process may be uncomfortable, akin to having rough edges sanded, it is through this journey of growth that we become who God intends us to be. As we mature, our focus shifts from pursuing personal happiness to finding joy in the journey itself.

Research supports the notion that enduring through martial challenges yields long-term satisfaction. Studies indicate that two-thirds of unhappy adults who stayed together were happy five years later. Conversely, those who opt for divorce do not typically report higher levels of happiness. Ultimately, mutual sacrifice fosters mutual satisfaction in marriage, as our hearts yearn for deep intimacy cultivated through acts of self-sacrifice and service.

Embrace your marriage as a path to personal sanctification. - Heidi Franz

But You Don’t Understand My Situation

I understand if you are thinking “But you don’t know my husband. Or, you don’t know my wife.” And you’re right; I don’t. However, God reminds me time and again in His Word and through prayer that my primary concern should be my relationship with Him. It’s not my responsibility to control or demand things from my husband. Instead, my focus should be on my sin, knowing that on Judgment Day, I’ll answer for my own actions.

Begin by reflecting on your own actions. Approach God with humility and ask:

In what ways am I failing to love my spouse?
How am I demanding my own desires?
Where am I being impatient?
What aspects of my spouse’s life am I envious of?
From my perspective, what issues are causing conflict and what do I own of this?

Unless there are extenuating circumstances such as abuse, I firmly believe that God calls each of us to remain committed to our marriages. But if you find yourself considering separation or divorce, I encourage you to listen to the podcast audio file above, as Melanie’s insights may provide encouragement.

1 Peter 3:1 advises, “Wives in the same way, submit yourself to your husband so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” Notice that the verse doesn’t instruct wives to manipulate their husbands into belief or compliance. Instead, the focus is on submission. However, it’s crucial to understand that submission does not equate to being a doormat or losing one’s identity. Submission is characterized by God-glorifying respect and stands in contrast to control and anger.

In essence, marriage provides us with an opportunity to bring glory to God. Regardless of where you currently stand in your marriage, I want to encourage you with a piece of advice I wish I had followed more closely: Stop being overly critical of your spouse. Cease placing the burden of your happiness solely on your spouse’s shoulders. Instead, seek the Lord’s guidance to identify areas where you can improve. View your marriage as a means of personal sanctification. Over time, I believe you will find that your marriage becomes sweeter.

Read podcast transcript.

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